


I Missed You, Too

by SolumSam



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Anxiety, Anxious!Dean, Barebacking, Comforting, Feels, Fighting, Fluff, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Smut, Kissing, M/M, Makeup Sex, Sad, Sex, Top!Cas, bottom!Dean, depressing shit, drunk!Cas, husband au, married au, short anxiety attack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-28
Updated: 2016-04-28
Packaged: 2018-06-05 00:07:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,272
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6681424
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SolumSam/pseuds/SolumSam
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean and Castiel are married, but it doesn't mean they're happy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Missed You, Too

It'd been almost two weeks since Cas left. 

The fight was stupid, but it definitely wasn't the first - their budget was a lot tighter that month, and Cas had spent more than he should have. 

"Are you fucking kidding me?" Dean shouted, throwing the bills in his husband's face. "You spent four-hundred bucks on _games _?!"__

Castiel's face was buried in his hands. "I'm _sorry _, Dean!" he yelled, looking up at him. "Why can't you see that? It was a mistake!"__

Dean felt as if he was boiling. "You knew that was half our mortgage money, and you still went and blew it all! And now you'll expect me to come up with the difference. It was your goddamn mistake, Cas!" 

Cas grew quiet, shaking his head. "I'm sorry, Dean." 

"Yeah, you know what? Save it. Fuck you, Castiel." 

And that was when he left. He packed his things as quickly as he could, and walked right out the door, leaving Dean completely alone. 

"Dammit," Dean cried to his empty apartment, sinking down to his knees. "Goddammit!" 

The next few days were the worst days of Dean's life. Filled with anxiety attacks and no showers. He couldn't live without Cas. He fucking couldn't do it. 

On the eleventh night of being alone, the thought occurred to him that his husband might actually not return. It'd almost been two weeks without a single word from him. But that thought was drained once he heard the front door click open. Was that Cas? It had to be. Dean checked the time - 11:07. What was he doing here so late? Had he decided to finally come back and own up to that stupid mistake? 

Dean sat up from the couch, turning off the television and hearing a light switch on. He turned around, standing up and witnessing a stumbling figure walk making his way around the room. "Cas? Is that you?" he asked.

"Uh-hmmmm," the response was, and Dean tilted his head in confusion. What was going on with him? 

Another light went on. Dean stared at his husband, making eye contact. "Hey," he said awkwardly, swallowing hard. A few moments of silence passed. He had to say something. An apology? 

No. Dean wasn't the one who had to say sorry. He didn't spend all that money. That was Cas. "Cas, I - " 

"Don't talk to me." Was the response. Cas rushed past him, heading towards their bedroom. 

Was he fucking joking? 

"Castiel!" Dean barked, storming to him in the hallway. He flipped the light on, ready to explode with anger. Well, not just anger - but sadness and guilt and anxiety and fear. He didn't think Cas was going to come back. 

Castiel stared lazily back at him, his eyes half shut. "What do you want, Dean?" he slurred, and it was then Dean realized he was drunk. 

"Why are you drunk?" Dean demanded, his gaze raking over his pale face. 

"I can do what I want," he snapped, walking back into the kitchen. Dean followed closely behind. 

"Yeah, I kinda got that," he snarled. "Why the fuck are you back if you're just going to be a jackass again?" 

Cas whirled around, his glare stone cold. "Because this is my house too," he hissed. "And I was sick of being in shitty motels." 

Dean swallowed that down. So he didn't come back for him. He came back for a place to stay. "You need to get out," Dean said calmly, his voice shaking. "I can't be with you right now." 

"Fuck you!" Cas screamed, the echoe of his voice strong. "I made _one mistake _and now you're wanting a goddamn divorce?"__

Dean's heart pumped, and his hands began to feel sweaty. "I never said that, Cas," he said, almost in a whisper. 

" _Fuck you! _" he screamed again, and Dean wanted to shrivel up into a corner.__

"You're drunk," he said, his gaze on the ground. Tears three ended to spill. His body shook with anxiety. "I don't feel safe, Cas. Please - please leave." 

Castiel grabbed a spoon from the counter and chucked it in his general direction. Then he reached for a vase. 

Something snapped in Dean. He needed to be more assertive. He had to get ahold of himself. 

The vase shattered against the wall behind Dean's head. "Yeah, go right ahead, you bastard!" he cried, his pulse loud in his ears. He shook with a mixture of anger and fear. "Throw whatever the fuck you want!" 

Castiel's face was a bright red - his nose wrinkled and his top lip quivering in a drunken rage. "I fucking hate you," he spat before grabbing a picture frame from the desk, and chucking that at Dean too.

__

He felt tears brim at his eyes, but he easily dodged it. Cas's aim was incredibly off when he wasn't sober. Glancing down at the picture, an awkward laugh bubbled inside him as he realized what it was of. He picked it up and shoved it into his husband's face. "Do you even remember being happy, Cas?" he yelled, his voice quivering. The anxiety made him shake, and he tried to calm himself down, pointing at the photo. It'd seemed like such a long time ago since they actually got along decently.

__

It was of the two of them, sitting in a park on a sunny day. Dean was wearing sunglasses and Cas's head rested against his shoulder. They both looked so peaceful; so happy. 

__

Castiel snatched the picture from his hands, looking at it briefly before throwing it again. "I can't remember being happy with _you _!" he screamed, and when Dean visibly flinched he cursed himself for doing so.__

__

Don't let him see your weak point, he told himself. You can't let him know he's winning. 

__

But the truth was, is that Cas was winning. Dean had crippling anxiety and Cas was intoxicated, chucking objects around without a care in the world. 

__

They locked eyes, and Dean saw Cas's expression soften a little. Moments passed with an uncomfortable silence, until Cas ran a hand through his already unruly mop of dark hair. "I - I have to leave, Dean," he whispered, staring at the ground.

__

Dean's heart sunk. No. No. "No," he croaked in reply, wanting to hit himself for sounding so defeated. "I didn't mean it. I can't be alone. Not again." 

__

Castiel shook his head. "I'm leaving." 

__

"You - you can't," he said, grabbing Cas's shoulders. "No. You can't leave me. I didn't - I didn't mean it. I - I can't be alone. Not again, Cas, not again."

__

He looked at Dean, his usual bright blue eyes now a dull grey. "I'll go get my things," he whispered, and pushed past Dean, walking into their bedroom to get his stuff.  
"No," he whimpered, gripping the couch for support. He felt dizzy. The room was spinning and his anxiety attack was just starting to kick in. It wasn't until a minute into it he noticed he was hyperventilating, digging his nails into his scalp and leaning over his knees. Warm tears ran down his cheeks. No. He can't leave. Not now. He can't. 

__

"Dean," Cas's voice called behind him, and he felt hands on his shoulders.

__

"No," he sobbed, his breathing increasing even more. "No."

__

"Breathe, baby," his voice soothed, and he felt the couch dip beside him. Hands ran up and down his back, and he felt kisses pepper along his neck. "Breathe."  
Fuck. He was having another goddamn breakdown. Another. It's no wonder Cas wanted to leave. Who could handle this much in a single person? 

__

"Dean." 

__

Dean whined. 

__

"Dean." Hot breath trailed up his neck and onto his ear. He felt Cas's tongue on his earlobe and he gasped, the sobs still coming out heavily. He felt Cas nibble at his ear. "Dean," he repeated, sliding his hand up his thigh and squeezing. "I've got you baby," he whispered, and Dean's nails dug into his scalp further.

__

No. No. He doesn't. He's going to leave. I'm going to be alone, I'm -

__

His breathing picked up once more, and he started to hyperventilate.

__

"Dean, baby, you've gotta breathe for me," Cas soothed, sliding his hands all over his body. 

__

God, those hands. He loved those hands. "For you," he echoed, and Cas nodded. 

__

"For me, baby. Because you're mine."

__

He didn't say anything, and was still shaking violently. 

__

Cas got up from the couch, and Dean stopped breathing. He's leaving. This is it. Then, he felt legs on either side of his thighs, and he realized Cas was climbing onto his lap. "I'm not leaving, baby," he whispered, grabbing Dean's hands and pulling them from his hair. "I'm not." 

__

Dean looked up, staring at his intoxicated husband and feeling almost like he needed to laugh. Laugh because this situation - goddammit - this whole situation was so fucked up. 

__

"I'm here," Cas said, and his big eyes stared at Dean lovingly. It reminded him of their wedding day. 

__

Dean turned away. Don't think of that, he told himself. He doesn't feel that way anymore. 

__

Cas tilted his chin up, locking eyes. Then, he dropped his hands and leaned forward, embracing Dean's shaking body into a hug. "Goddammit," he said, running his fingers through Dean's hair and kissing the side of his head. "I love you."

__

Another sob escaped his chest, and Cas's arms hugged him tighter. "I love you, I love you, I love you," he chanted, pulling away enough to kiss his face. He pressed kisses against his forehead, his temples, his cheeks and his nose. "I love you," he said, holding Dean's crumbled face in his hands. Dean sobbed louder, closing his eyes and digging his fingers in Castiel's thighs. 

__

"No," he sobbed. "You don't."

__

Cas pulled back. "I do," he insisted. "I love you so goddamn much, Dean. And I'm going to prove it." 

__

Cas got off his lap, then bent down, grabbing underneath his thighs and curling an arm under his armpit. He lifted and heaved, carrying him bridal-style to their bedroom and setting him on the bed. The tears were mostly dry by now, but he was still breathing heavily. Was Cas going to have sex with him? Were they going to make love after nearly a two months of not-so-much as a hug?

__

Castiel hovered over him, untying his shoes and taking them off. Dean closed his eyes, wanting to just disappear. What was he doing? Then, he reached for his belt, unbuckling it and pulling down his jeans, all the way off. 

__

"I love the way you look when I undress you," Cas began, staring at him. Dean opened his eyes. "You're absolutely beautiful and I just want to worship every part of your body." Castiel grabbed the hem of Dean's shirt and pulled it over his head, tossing it on the floor along with the other clothes. "I love your neck," he whispered, trailing open mouthed kisses to his neck. When he got to his collarbone, he sucked on it softly, making Dean suck in a sharp breath. "I love the noises you make when I'm making love to you." A hand went down to Dean's boxers, palming his already forming erection.  
Dean gasped, impulsively grabbing onto Castiel's shoulders.

__

Cas's skilled fingers slipped past his underwear, his fingertips grazing along Dean's hipbones, and then going further down, all the way to his dick. Dean gripped his shoulders tightly, closing his eyes and trying to focus on breathing normally. God, it'd been so long since he'd been touched. 

__

"I love the way you feel," Cas murmured in his ear, then wrapped his hands around his dick, stroking slowly. 

__

Dean moaned, throwing his head and arching his back from the mattress. Jesus Christ. He'd almost forgotten how those hands had felt. 

__

Soon, Dean's underwear was slipped off, and he was completely naked under a fully dressed man. Cas stopped jacking him off, and grabbed the hem of his own shirt, pulling it over his head. Dean took time to appreciate his toned body, raking his eyes over ever inch of it, nearly memorizing it. He didn't know when the next time they'd do this was going to be. It could be never. After all, Cas was drunk. He didn't know what he was even doing.

__

Then he unbuckled his belt, breaking Dean's thoughts. He took his pants off and tossed them across the room. Cas stared at Dean as he hooked a finger in his boxers. "Do you want me, Dean?"

__

Typically this would be referred to as a playful question, or even teasing. But Castiel's wide, blue eyes seemed to be boring holes in Dean, and he looked incredibly sincere. Dean knew he was concerned at what his response might be. "Yes," he whispered, touching Castiel's bare thighs. "Yes, Castiel."

__

The man shivered above him, and nodded, swallowing hard. He slowly pulled his underwear off, throwing it along with the other piece of clothing. Dean stared at his hardened cock lovingly. It'd been too long since he'd seen it. 

__

Cas leaned down, kissing each corner of Dean's mouth and gathering both of their dicks in one hand. Dean threw his head back and moaned. "I love how you put up with me, even when you don't deserve anything I do to you." He increased their pace, both of them whimpering against each other.

__

"I - I want - Cas, I - "

__

"I know, baby, I know - "

__

"I want you inside m-me," Dean whined, bucking his hips into his hand. 

__

Cas nodded, letting go of them both and pecking Dean on the lips once more. "Where's the - ?"

__

"Drawer," Dean panted in reply. 

__

Castiel reached over to the nightstand, opening the drawer and digging around for the small container of lube. When he found it, he returned to Dean, uncapping the lid and dumping a generous amount onto his fingers. Dean opened his legs, only a little embarrassed to be so exposed. Cas stared at him, licking his lips. "Ready?"  
Dean released a shaky breath and nodded. 

__

The first finger felt fine. It slipped in pretty easily, actually - although Cas and him hadn't fucked in a long time, (nearly two months) it didn't mean he didn't have a little fun with himself. Not a week went by when he didn't have at least three fingers inside him, imagining what it would be like to have his husband thrusting into him instead.  
The second finger made Dean suck in a breath. God, he loved that burn from being stretched. 

__

"God, you're tight, baby," the man above him commented, leaning down and nibbling at his ear. "Can't wait to have my cock inside you."

__

Dean whined, writhing against him. "A-another, Cas," he demanded. 

__

Cas shoved another inside of him, hitting that sweet spot and causing Dean to cry out in absolute pleasure. "Fuck!" he yelled, his mind already fuzzy. "Please hurry Cas, please - "

__

Cas pressed his lips tightly against Dean's, draining out his cries and pleas. "I don't have a condom," he said once he pulled away.  
Dean almost wanted to laugh. "When have we ever used a condom?"

__

The man frowned, thinking about it for a moment. Then he smiled, chuckling. Grabbing some lube again, he slathered a fair amount onto his rock-hard dick and along Dean's hole. "You ready for me, baby?" 

__

Dean nodded eagerly.

__

Cas's head pressed into his hole, and Dean swallowed it up. It felt so damn good, finally having something else inside him other than his own fingers or that stupid goddamn pink dildo that didn't even vibrate. He was so glad to have Cas back. So glad. Once he was fully inside of him, he squeezed at Cas's shoulder when he felt the sudden jolt of his hips.

__

"Can I move?" Cas questioned, biting down softly on Dean's collarbone.

__

He gasped, nodding for what seemed like the hundredth time. Honestly, he didn't need time to adjust. He liked the burn. He wanted it to be faster. 

__

Cas pulled out nearly all the way, then slammed back in him, making Dean howl in pleasure. He soon found a steady rhythm, and Dean breathed against it. "C-Cas," he whispered, almost begging. For what, he didn't know. 

__

Cas sucked hickeys onto Dean's bare neck, his breath loud and the slap of skin even louder. "I-I love the way you," he paused, sucking another mark. "You say my name when I'm f-fucking you."

__

Dean wrapped his legs tighter around his lower back. "Harder, Castiel," he demanded, now using his full name.

__

Cas quickened the pace - the snap of his hips at a rapid speed. "I missed you, I missed you, I missed you," he chanted into Dean's ear, almost sounding like a sob. He changed his angle and soon, he was pounding into Dean's prostate, making him cry out. 

__

"Goddammit!' he screamed, digging his fingernails into Castiel's back. "I missed you, too!" 

__

Castiel's pace was brutal. It was absolutely brutal. And when he reached in between them to grip Dean's cock and jack it hard, Dean knew he wasn't going to last much longer at all. "I love you - " thrust "I love you - " thrust "I love - " Castiel filled Dean up with his release, and Dean clenched down on him, milking him through his orgasm. Cas threw his head back, still stroking Dean. Dean followed soon after, long ropes of cum splashing on the both of them. They lay like that for what seemed like minutes.

__

Then he pulled out and rolled off of him, breathing heavily. 

__

Sleep overcame the both of them. 

__

 

__

*

__

 

__

The sun leaked through the curtains, shining on Dean's eyelids and waking him up gently. He yawned, rubbing at his eyes and slowly sitting up, only to find the bed empty.

__

Fuck.

__

He threw his legs over the side and sighed heavily.

__

Dean knew it hadn't been a good idea. Of course it wasn't a good idea. Fucking your intoxicated husband? They'd been engaging in arguments more than sex. That was probably the worst fucking idea on the planet. Now things were going to be even more complicated.

__

"I can see you thinking." 

__

A deep, gravelly voice called behind him. He turned around, locking eyes with Castiel, who was still naked. "And I know what you're thinking."

__

Dean swallowed, breaking the eye contact. Great. Now he was going to get dumped. Probably. Why did this feel so much like a one-night-stand? This was his husband, for crying out loud. 

__

Cas made his way to Dean, staring at him curiously. Then, he stood in front of him, grabbing his chin and tilting it up. "May I?" he asked, gesturing to Dean's lap.  
Dean wasn't sure what he meant. More sex? He nodded anyways.

__

Castiel climbed into Dean's lap, wrapping his legs around his lower back and burying his nose into his neck. "Although I was drunk," Cas said, his voice a low rumble. "I knew what I was doing. And I don't regret one bit of it."

__

_What? What did he just say? ___

__

He looked up, smiling at Dean and staring at his lips. "I missed you," he admitted, and Dean had a hard time grasping the concept that he was completely sober. "And I'm so fucking sorry." 

__

Dean swallowed, then shook his head. "I'm sorry too." 

__

They pressed their lips together, enjoying the taste of one another's mouth They'd get used to it, because every morning from then on, before Castiel left for work, he'd leave after a steamy make out session with his hot-ass husband. 

__

Yeah, they had a lot of fucking issues to sort out. But at least they were side by side again, preparing to fight whatever other battle was to come. 

__

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you guys for reading!  
> I know all of my other fics are Top!Dean, but I actually have a huge soft spot for Bottom!Dean too. I'll write many more in the future.  
> This wasn't edited at all so it's pretty rough. But I hope you liked it anyways!  
> Please comment/leave kudos if you can. They mean so much to me!  
> Have a lovely rest of your night/day!


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